What Humanae Vitae Means to Me

I had never heard of Humanae Vitae until after I had gotten married. I remember stumbling across the small booklet on a bookshelf at my in-laws house. I read through it and thought it was nice. Over the years it has come to mean much more to me. When John and I got married we answered the trendy question, “So how many kids do you want?” with the response, “As many as God gives us.”

We had a complete and honest desire to do this, but we did not quite understand the full meaning of what this meant, or why we should do this. We truly wanted a big family, and hoped it was part of God’s plan for us. We looked at John’s parents, who at the time had over thirty-five grandchildren and desired this for ourselves as well. We saw this as being a blessed life and hoped that one day we would gain the same rewards.

Five years into our marriage we had already had four children. These were the hardest times for us. Ironically, I sometimes wish we could go back to those days when the kids and I were all at home and did not have a schedule bossing us around. As wild and crazy as it was, it was also quite peaceful. The only places we had to go were to doctor appointments and the grocery store. Nobody played sports, so we lived our life at home, and not in the car.

After our fourth child was born we decided to take a look into Natural Family Planning (NFP). We really were not committed to using it, because we did not have serious reasons to not have a child at that time, but we did learn it and actually found it interesting. We knew exactly when we conceived our next child. I did not even have to take a pregnancy test. We found NFP to be a good resource for us. It taught us a lot about ourselves, and built our marriage up into one that had more respect for each other.

Some married couples require a full commitment to NFP. If the married couple has serious reasons to postpone a pregnancy, they could use NFP and abide by its simple rules. The NFP couple has control of their chart, and they make the choice as to when the marital act will and will not take place, but other than that their will is given over to God. When our will is given over to God, His Holy Spirit can move a couple to monthly discern His will for their family.  Sometimes this moves the couple to take leap of faith and be at peace with His plan. 

When Humanae Vitae was published the majority of Catholics refuted it. Even today, Catholics do not understand the seriousness of the document. It came out just after the birth control pill was rising in popularity. Since this time, several studies have been published stating that in marriages where the couple is using artificial contraception there is a 50% chance of the marriage lasting. However, couples that use Natural Family Planning to space out the births of their children have 0.2% divorce rate. Humanae Vitae documents many reasons why this could be. Pope Paul VI points out quite prophetically that this indeed would happen if the world embraced artificial contraception.

Catholics during this time were arguing that the Pope just wanted to get into their business, and that he needed to get out of their bedroom. The argument even today is that “they are married and they can do whatever they want behind their bedroom door.” The  Church’s teaching in Humanae Vitae does what any good mother tries to do.  Use her wisdom to protect her children.  The Church warns that artificial birth control would damage marriages, degrade women, and demoralize the marriage act.

All of this has happened, and more.  Natural Family Planning, supported by the Church, offers an alternative to the downward spiral of marital relationships.  NFP teaches us about the observations a couple can make throughout their reproductive cycle to postpone a pregnancy.  Natural Family Planning was never intended to be a form of birth control, but rather a way to listen to God’s call for responsible parenthood without diminishing or damaging the marriage and family.  Fertility awareness methods have made great strides over the years. When used correctly, Natural Family Planning is 99% effective. It is now also being used to combat infertility, which has come about, in part, as a result of the pill and other forms of artificial contraception.

Infertility is a heart wrenching experience for couples. Natural Family Planning and NaPro technology have helped thousands of women conceive naturally.  The Church still opposes the use of artificial contraception and in vitro fertilization.   In Vitro (from the Latin root meaning “within the glass”) Fertilization is another destructive means that has been used in an attempt to control when a human life should come into this world. Millions of unborn children sit frozen in labs all over the country, just waiting for their parents to decide when they are ready for another child. Sadly, several embryos are placed in the woman’s uterus, with the hope of one or two latching on to continue their life. If more than two survive the transplant and cling to the endothelial lining for life, it will be proposed that the parents choose to eliminate all but two of the children. This comes as a crushing predicament for the parents and forces a difficult decision - one they will have to live with for the rest of their lives.

Humanae Vitae was trying to protect us from this pain. Mainstream thought is so backwards now. The world has us thinking that we have the power to decide when life enters this world and when it is time for it to leave. The birth control pill itself has caused so much pain. It is also known that couples on the pill for a year or more unknowingly abort early pregnancies.

Through the grace from good instruction, John and I have learned the teachings of our Faith. We understand the Church to be our protector. She is always looking out for what is best for us. Our Faith has also taught us that the children God blesses us with are not our own. Yes, they have our genetic make up, but they ultimately belong to Him. They are part of His plan, not ours. He has had a purpose for them even before we took our“leaps of faith” in being open to new life.

 I am always learning more and more about the amazing gift of the Church. It not only attempts to protect us from the sins of a broken world, but it embraces us when we fall to the worldly temptations of our earthly lives. I am also thankful to the many priests who are also growing in knowledge on the Church’s gift of Humanae Vitae. Their service to us in this regard is of great necessity and urgency. Too many fellow Catholics brush off this teaching as not important because they never hear about it.

July 25th marks the 42^nd anniversary of Humanae Vitae, and the week following is Natural Family Planning Awareness Week. This is the time to learn more about NFP and the Church’s teaching on family planning. It is never too late. St. Henry Parish offers NFP classes on the second Thursday of every month. Contact their office for more information, 352-2259.

Happy NFP Awareness Week!

Summer

Well, I know I always say this, but life has been so busy. I have been taking Moral Theology and Ethics at Aquinas College this summer. To be honest, this has been quite the treat. Aquinas has some phenomenal professors, and I feel lucky to have learned from them.

I really feel like taking these courses will help me to be a better NFP teacher. I wrote an essay for my Ethics class arguing against a group of self-proclaimed pro-life ob/gyns. If you are interested, you can read it at

file://localhost/Users/kimderrick/Desktop/Kim's%20Ethics%20Essay.htm.

(just copy and paste the link)

I'd love to have your feedback after you read it. I enjoy researching such topics, but I cannot say that I am a gifted writer. It is struggle for me to even write on this blog. I just write what I am feeling and hope it makes sense. 

The essay had to be written within a two week time frame. It was a lot tougher than I had imagined it would be. However, as I was putting it all together, it really increased my desire to help the medical profession more. I love teaching couples about NFP. I love to see their eyes light up with their new found knowledge. Taking a couple through this process is an honor, and I will never take it for granted. 

God lays His Will before us, however it is up to us to decide to follow it. Sometimes, most of the time, that means picking up our cross and doing His will, even when it is easier to do our own. 

God has taken me on some wild journeys before, but I have to say these last couple of years have been quite an experience. 

I never thought I would ever go to college, especially not Nursing School. I never thought in the midst of being in Nursing School, I would also become a certified NFP teacher. I never thought I would speak before my fellow parishioners about NFP. I never thought I would be invited to be a part of the Aquinas College Lecture Series. I never thought I would be at a point where I am not only understanding the medical language behind NFP, but I am writing about it as well. 

If you do not believe that God can do the unthinkable, just look at me... His powers are great. 

I know that people look at me and say, "How does she do it? Six kids, and going to Nursing School!" All I can say is, I am amazed as well, but I don't do it. God does. I am just an instrument. It is through virtue and grace that I am able to do what I do. This is not to slight John, and all that he does to make it possible for me to go to school, or my Mom, who plays the role of 'Momma', while I am at school, which anyone who knows me, knows that I wouldn't assign this to just anyone. 

Somedays I cannot even grasp the lengths God has gone to so that His Will can be done in my life. By virtue, I was able to see that even the thought of going to Nursing School could be possible. Each step I took towards it, was just another validation that I was doing the right thing. Even when we conceived Rita, I knew God had a plan. Although, I admit I was completely baffled when this occurred, but I knew the birth of a child is always a good thing, and bringing a person into this world, who would love and honor God, was much better than being one year closer to a college degree. 

When Rita was born, it was the highlight of our life. Could life really get better than that? Yes, it is always getting better. I sincerely thought I wouldn't return to school. I thought this time it was surely impossible. 

I did not really know if God even wanted me to return or not, so I prayed about it. I told Him I was willing to do whatever it takes, as long as it was what He wanted me to do, and I wasn't going to go to great lengths to go back, and if He wanted me there He would have to shove it in my face. 

And that is exactly what He did. Rita as born in November. I had to take a timed Reading and Math test in January, to be considered for the fall semester. I looked over the study guide a little, and ended up scoring better than the one I had taken a year prior. I thought, "Well, okay God, but what about my kids. I am not going to leave them with random babysitters. Never knowing week from week who is going to watch them!" 

I guess He just laughed and said something like, "Kim, you worry abut the silliest things!" By the end of the month my Mom's company had closed, and she was able to retire, because she was turning 55 that same month. 

His powers are great. His Love is mighty.

 My Mom immediately said she would watch the kids. I knew this was now something I had to do. God was willing it. 

Long story short, here I am, miraculously. This has been a trivial year, but there is no doubt that I have grown more than ever. People told me that if you don't have a strong marriage going into nursing school, it will crumble. I didn't buy it. John and I are stronger than we have ever been. This has been a complete team effort. We are truly working together to accomplish this goal for our family. 

People will say to me, "Oh! I am so glad you are doing this for you!" I resist the temptation to say that I am not, but what is the use. The world wants people to think we are in this for ourselves. When in reality, we are in this for each other. I am going to Nursing School for many reasons, and to be honest, not one of them is for me. Mostly, it is because God wants me too, and I have never been so sure of anything. 

Do not ever question the power of God. Sometimes we are required to take a leap of Faith. Sometimes that leap of Faith is giving in when you know you are in your fertile time period. That thought of, "Let's just see what happens!" It's so exciting and scary all at the same time, but you feel safe because you are taking yourself out of the driver seat and allowing God to drive. It is so much more relaxing when you realize, "Hey! I don't have to be in control!" 

I apologize for the lengthiness of this post. It as been a while since I last wrote, and I guess I just had a lot on my mind and wanted to share this little story about doing the unthinkable, and really it is just about following the Will of God. 

In Christ,

Kim